Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Feeling Bad for Feeling Good
Drew:"Just think... One morning soon, you'll get up and go pee off the back porch, just because no one is around to see you."
Me:"That makes me feel better."
I have been looking forward to moving lately, even if it has been pushed back a month later than I originally planned. I look forward to being able to drive on a two lane road and not see any other cars, I look forward to seeing the mountains again, and I look forward to living a generally slower paced lifestyle.
Lately, however, I feel very bad for being so happy about my future prospects. MB is struggling to control both her finances and emotions. I realize each day that I will miss her more than I previously realized. Unlike me, She finds little hope in her future prospects, and it makes me feel very sad for her. I even feel bad about being happy about my future while I am with her.
Ugh. I want to do something to make it easier for her. I cannot help her with money, though, and there is nothing I can do about us going seperate ways in a couple of months. So, I downplay my own hopefulness to her, so I don't make her feel worse. I hope I can resist believing my own lies.
Me:"That makes me feel better."
I have been looking forward to moving lately, even if it has been pushed back a month later than I originally planned. I look forward to being able to drive on a two lane road and not see any other cars, I look forward to seeing the mountains again, and I look forward to living a generally slower paced lifestyle.
Lately, however, I feel very bad for being so happy about my future prospects. MB is struggling to control both her finances and emotions. I realize each day that I will miss her more than I previously realized. Unlike me, She finds little hope in her future prospects, and it makes me feel very sad for her. I even feel bad about being happy about my future while I am with her.
Ugh. I want to do something to make it easier for her. I cannot help her with money, though, and there is nothing I can do about us going seperate ways in a couple of months. So, I downplay my own hopefulness to her, so I don't make her feel worse. I hope I can resist believing my own lies.
// posted by Justin @ 9:02 AM 
