Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Feeling Bad for Feeling Good
Drew:"Just think... One morning soon, you'll get up and go pee off the back porch, just because no one is around to see you."
Me:"That makes me feel better."
I have been looking forward to moving lately, even if it has been pushed back a month later than I originally planned. I look forward to being able to drive on a two lane road and not see any other cars, I look forward to seeing the mountains again, and I look forward to living a generally slower paced lifestyle.
Lately, however, I feel very bad for being so happy about my future prospects. MB is struggling to control both her finances and emotions. I realize each day that I will miss her more than I previously realized. Unlike me, She finds little hope in her future prospects, and it makes me feel very sad for her. I even feel bad about being happy about my future while I am with her.
Ugh. I want to do something to make it easier for her. I cannot help her with money, though, and there is nothing I can do about us going seperate ways in a couple of months. So, I downplay my own hopefulness to her, so I don't make her feel worse. I hope I can resist believing my own lies.
Me:"That makes me feel better."
I have been looking forward to moving lately, even if it has been pushed back a month later than I originally planned. I look forward to being able to drive on a two lane road and not see any other cars, I look forward to seeing the mountains again, and I look forward to living a generally slower paced lifestyle.
Lately, however, I feel very bad for being so happy about my future prospects. MB is struggling to control both her finances and emotions. I realize each day that I will miss her more than I previously realized. Unlike me, She finds little hope in her future prospects, and it makes me feel very sad for her. I even feel bad about being happy about my future while I am with her.
Ugh. I want to do something to make it easier for her. I cannot help her with money, though, and there is nothing I can do about us going seperate ways in a couple of months. So, I downplay my own hopefulness to her, so I don't make her feel worse. I hope I can resist believing my own lies.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Beautiful, Yet a Little Too Mushy
I know that I have really been slacking lately. It is probably a mixture of not much going on and me being lazy.
It seems my moving date has been pushed back a whole month. The end of the lease is apparently the end of April instead of the beggining, so that adds another month to my stay here in Chicago. I am kinda glad to have a little extra time here, but when you are prepared for something and it gets pushed back, its just kinda frustrating.
I don't want to just sound like I am complaining though, so I will say that I am sure there is a reason that I will be here in April. I believe there are no mistakes in life. There is an opportunity here for more growth. I must make myself open to it, even though my instinct is to go hide in my room for two months under a thick blanket of smoke.
MB and I have been getting along pretty well again. It is a nice return. Thoughts of missing her assail me. I fight them off, because I want to enjoy our time we have together now.
Sunday I got up and went to brunch with Sarah. She always makes my day just talking to her. We ate more than I had eaten in the three previous days combined. Biscuits and gravy, sausage, bacon, hash browns, omlette, waffles, coffee, bloody marys, and a piece of french toast really hit the spot. After brunch I shuffled into blockbuster to find the remainder of my dreary afternoon. I picked up Garden State by Zach Braff. It is a story of finding home again. Beautiful even if it is a little mushy. I can totally relate.
It seems my moving date has been pushed back a whole month. The end of the lease is apparently the end of April instead of the beggining, so that adds another month to my stay here in Chicago. I am kinda glad to have a little extra time here, but when you are prepared for something and it gets pushed back, its just kinda frustrating.
I don't want to just sound like I am complaining though, so I will say that I am sure there is a reason that I will be here in April. I believe there are no mistakes in life. There is an opportunity here for more growth. I must make myself open to it, even though my instinct is to go hide in my room for two months under a thick blanket of smoke.
MB and I have been getting along pretty well again. It is a nice return. Thoughts of missing her assail me. I fight them off, because I want to enjoy our time we have together now.
Sunday I got up and went to brunch with Sarah. She always makes my day just talking to her. We ate more than I had eaten in the three previous days combined. Biscuits and gravy, sausage, bacon, hash browns, omlette, waffles, coffee, bloody marys, and a piece of french toast really hit the spot. After brunch I shuffled into blockbuster to find the remainder of my dreary afternoon. I picked up Garden State by Zach Braff. It is a story of finding home again. Beautiful even if it is a little mushy. I can totally relate.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Can You Hear Me Now?
Me: "Hey man, its great talking to you, but I think I am gonna loose you. I am getting on an elevator."
Drew: "You'll never loose me, man."
Me: "Awww...(hangs up phone)"
I went out for a few beers with Todd last night at the Long Room again. I always drink one more than I should when I am around Todd.
Before Todd came over I heard MB come home while I was on the phone with Sarah. She knocked, I said I was on the phone. When I was done, she was in the shower. Todd came over before she got out. She looked beautiful getting ready for her IO show as Todd and I sat watching Triumph the insult comedy dog on dvd.
After I came home from the bar, I passed out alone in my bed. A couple hours later I was awakened as MB crawled in next to me and asked if she could stay. I said yes and invited her under the comforter. I pressed next to her and kissed her cheeks and neck for a few moments before falling back asleep.
"It will all be over soon, it just seems to take forever." -from The Shadow Box by Michael Cristofer
Drew: "You'll never loose me, man."
Me: "Awww...(hangs up phone)"
I went out for a few beers with Todd last night at the Long Room again. I always drink one more than I should when I am around Todd.
Before Todd came over I heard MB come home while I was on the phone with Sarah. She knocked, I said I was on the phone. When I was done, she was in the shower. Todd came over before she got out. She looked beautiful getting ready for her IO show as Todd and I sat watching Triumph the insult comedy dog on dvd.
After I came home from the bar, I passed out alone in my bed. A couple hours later I was awakened as MB crawled in next to me and asked if she could stay. I said yes and invited her under the comforter. I pressed next to her and kissed her cheeks and neck for a few moments before falling back asleep.
"It will all be over soon, it just seems to take forever." -from The Shadow Box by Michael Cristofer
Monday, February 14, 2005
Dead Bodies and Raw Fish
This weekend was chocked full of cool stuff, so I thought I would sort through the most exciting parts again.
Friday night I had all the intentions of staying in, cause I knew the next two days would be busy. I didn't stay out late or anything, but Todd and I went to Toon's and downed a few beers before I returned home to watch the last of the Ali fight. Man, that girl could knock out most men.
Saturday I went to the museum with my friend, Leslie, to see Body Worlds. This exhibit was completely mind blowing. I thought I might get a bit queezy or sick by looking at cadavers for an hour, but it was quite the opposite. The human body is an amazing machine, and this exhibit shows in detail just how miraculous we are. It was amazing to see parents there with their little kids, teaching them about each part of their bodies by using the exhibit. The two most impressive pieces to me were a horse complete with rider, and a pregnant woman. The rider of the horse held his brain in one hand and the horse's in the other while the horse reared up on its hind legs. The reclining woman with the baby inside of her almost made me cry from the unexpected beauty I found in it. I encourage everyone to go see it.
Saturday night I went with Sarah to the Bottom Lounge to see the Siderunners. We drank quite a few good beers as we bobbed and danced to the hardcore badassery that the Siderunners become when you plug them in. They had Sarah come up and sing back up to Sappy on a true old country tune, "Fat Bottom Girls". We left all smiles and happy. I will miss her when I leave.
Sunday night I met with Charlie Don't Surf at Hey Sushi!. I have had some excellent Sushi before, but this took it to another level all together. Yummmmmm. Epicurian bliss and then to bed.
Friday night I had all the intentions of staying in, cause I knew the next two days would be busy. I didn't stay out late or anything, but Todd and I went to Toon's and downed a few beers before I returned home to watch the last of the Ali fight. Man, that girl could knock out most men.
Saturday I went to the museum with my friend, Leslie, to see Body Worlds. This exhibit was completely mind blowing. I thought I might get a bit queezy or sick by looking at cadavers for an hour, but it was quite the opposite. The human body is an amazing machine, and this exhibit shows in detail just how miraculous we are. It was amazing to see parents there with their little kids, teaching them about each part of their bodies by using the exhibit. The two most impressive pieces to me were a horse complete with rider, and a pregnant woman. The rider of the horse held his brain in one hand and the horse's in the other while the horse reared up on its hind legs. The reclining woman with the baby inside of her almost made me cry from the unexpected beauty I found in it. I encourage everyone to go see it.
Saturday night I went with Sarah to the Bottom Lounge to see the Siderunners. We drank quite a few good beers as we bobbed and danced to the hardcore badassery that the Siderunners become when you plug them in. They had Sarah come up and sing back up to Sappy on a true old country tune, "Fat Bottom Girls". We left all smiles and happy. I will miss her when I leave.
Sunday night I met with Charlie Don't Surf at Hey Sushi!. I have had some excellent Sushi before, but this took it to another level all together. Yummmmmm. Epicurian bliss and then to bed.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Fat Tuesday = Dollar PBR
Hands grip the wheel
Knuckles white, hold on tight
Eyes peer into darkness
Fog rolls across the road
Tense, alert, waiting
I guide the monster
to my destination slowly
Slowly carefully rolling
This road unknown
takes me on to yonder
Its potholes, I know not
The road itself, my guide
Knuckles white, hold on tight
Eyes peer into darkness
Fog rolls across the road
Tense, alert, waiting
I guide the monster
to my destination slowly
Slowly carefully rolling
This road unknown
takes me on to yonder
Its potholes, I know not
The road itself, my guide
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Sunday, February 06, 2005
I am a Birthday Bear
Well today is Super Sunday. My insinct is to cook a huge pot of chili, get a ton of beer and snacks, invite everyone over, and throw a big party. I don't really care about the game all that much, truth be told. I do however miss throwing parties. I don't even feel like I have enough friend who would come over to throw a party here. Bummer.
On another note, I had my last perfomance at the Second City Skybox with CDS on Friday. The show was decent, and had lots of energy, but I always see things that could have been better. Afterwards, my friend Tim, and the rest of CDS went to a bar down Wells a bit. I had drank a couple beers with dinner before the show, and then drank four more at the bar before heading home.
I should have known better than to even talk to MB when I came in, but I didn't. After a bit of flirting and me getting disgrutled she left, came back, and then told me that if I wanted we could go back to being together 'till I leave in two months. I was shocked and I said, "I'm drunk", not the answer she expected. Of course, since I was drunk I did very much want to have sex, but we didn't. She told me yesterday that she was still waiting on an answer, but she would assume it was 'no' unless I said otherwise. I knew this was gonna be wierd.
On another note, I had my last perfomance at the Second City Skybox with CDS on Friday. The show was decent, and had lots of energy, but I always see things that could have been better. Afterwards, my friend Tim, and the rest of CDS went to a bar down Wells a bit. I had drank a couple beers with dinner before the show, and then drank four more at the bar before heading home.
I should have known better than to even talk to MB when I came in, but I didn't. After a bit of flirting and me getting disgrutled she left, came back, and then told me that if I wanted we could go back to being together 'till I leave in two months. I was shocked and I said, "I'm drunk", not the answer she expected. Of course, since I was drunk I did very much want to have sex, but we didn't. She told me yesterday that she was still waiting on an answer, but she would assume it was 'no' unless I said otherwise. I knew this was gonna be wierd.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Here at Work
Here at work I sit and stare
Far away from the screen
My mind has gone elsewhere
Work sits piled in my box
A distant thought of trees
The ticking of the clock
The sun rises above the hills
A chilly breeze against my face
No phone, no email, no bills
I blink too fast, I am back
Back at work on this Thursday
I push against my mind's attack
Far away from the screen
My mind has gone elsewhere
Work sits piled in my box
A distant thought of trees
The ticking of the clock
The sun rises above the hills
A chilly breeze against my face
No phone, no email, no bills
I blink too fast, I am back
Back at work on this Thursday
I push against my mind's attack
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
State of the Union
I started to post something anticipating W.'s speech tonight, and his ever present abilty to distract us from the really important issues. Oh, I had jokes about hydrogen powered cars driving to Mars, but I'm not gonna do it anymore. I give up. We have four more years of this, if i continue to fret about the silly things ol' W. does I will most certainly develop an ulcer.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Wreslting Goes to Japan!
That's right folks! Next week's WWE Raw broadcasts from Tokyo, Japan. Those Japanese fans are totally crazy and I have to admire them somewhat. They know every bit as well as we do that wrestling is fake to a degree. Watch them in the stands though. Watch them in interviews about wrestling. They go friggin ga-ga for it.
Why do I think they are able to enjoy it so much? They know its a ruse, yet unlike the american audience, they seem to give themselves completely to their momentary suspension of disbelief. When a wrestler gets hurt in the U.S., everyone watches closely to determine wether he is really hurt or not. If the American fans do decide that the injury is a work(fake), they almost immeadiately start discussing why the writers had to give that guy a vacation. In Japan they don't care either way, they give the same amount of respect, and almost avoid trying to tell what is real from what is staged. I admire this because they realize that they are there to be entertained, and looking behind the curtain doesn't make the wizard any cooler; in fact, it may reveal the wizard to just be a deranged old man, like Vince McMahon. There may be a life lesson in there somwhere. I dunno.
Why do I think they are able to enjoy it so much? They know its a ruse, yet unlike the american audience, they seem to give themselves completely to their momentary suspension of disbelief. When a wrestler gets hurt in the U.S., everyone watches closely to determine wether he is really hurt or not. If the American fans do decide that the injury is a work(fake), they almost immeadiately start discussing why the writers had to give that guy a vacation. In Japan they don't care either way, they give the same amount of respect, and almost avoid trying to tell what is real from what is staged. I admire this because they realize that they are there to be entertained, and looking behind the curtain doesn't make the wizard any cooler; in fact, it may reveal the wizard to just be a deranged old man, like Vince McMahon. There may be a life lesson in there somwhere. I dunno.
