Road to Somewhere

Life Goes On

My mind reels. I wonder why I moved here. It seems very little since I came here has gone right. I have furthered my enourmous debt. I have spent time and money on a passion, that I have recently realized is very unlikely to ever materialize into anything that pays. I have had four girlfriends, each has made me feel less and less worthy of love and companionship, not because of them, but because of what they taught me about myself.

I saw MB leave last night around ten. She said she had an audition. My stomach turned to tense knots when I realized this morning that she had never come home. I tell myself I won't ask, but I probably will.

Aside from all this, my mother called last night right about the time I had finally been able to zone out and just stare at the television as it showed the Patriots dismantling the Steelers. She says nothing new. She can't understand where my anger comes from. She goes throught the same stories, about how she was the victim in my parents divorce, about how after the divorce my father didn't do enough to encourage me to have a relationship with her, about how she can't believe I would ever think she would ever lie to me, about how she feels like she has no legacy. Why can't she just call and start new? I don't know if our realtionship will ever be rebuilt in the shadows of things we cannot agree upon.

After this I had to go to rehearsal. Something I might have dreaded, had not the day unfolded as it had. The game could no longer keep my attention, and for at least half of the two hours I didn't think about the events of the day.