Sunday, January 23, 2005
What do I Know?
On Friday afternoon I decided to take MB to see Cake. She really wanted to go, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she deserved it. She was surprised at my descion, and actually argued against it briefly. At the last possible second, she decides that she will go. So walked to the show in heavy snow. The show was amazing and I had a great time with MB. At this point I was very happy that I had chosen to go to the show. It really seemed to remind us both why we were together. We had a great tim together.
The happiness was very short lived though. I awoke on Saturday early and went to meet a friend for coffee and breakfast. Not long after I returned our fighting began to start again. We did spend a few nice hours together watching a movie she wanted to watch called Wonder Boys. It was obvious though, that the happiness that had been ours again the night before was gone once more. I had mentioned a show last month that was happening Saturday, and MB had arranged for the night off, and we had planned to go, but as the weather wore on yesterday, MB decided that it wasn't worth it for her. I was disappointed, but I relented because it was very nasty outside. Shortly after this decsion, we fought again. It was the end.
This morning she told me she couldn't trust me. She feels like I take too much, and give little in return. She said she didn't think we should see each other anymore. All this after last week telling me she had thoughts of marriage and children. I was a little shocked. For someone who claimed to love me so much, the descion seemed clear cut and unwaivering. If she truly believes what she said to me, then the causes of of arguing truly becomes evident. Without trust, relationships wither. Maybe I deserved to loose her trust. Maybe I did do something that horribly awful that she couldn't trust the man she claimed to love anymore. All I know, is that it is very hard for me to trust anyone, especially if I base it on their actions, because everyone has flaws. I do trust those that I love though, because it hurts me worse not to.
The happiness was very short lived though. I awoke on Saturday early and went to meet a friend for coffee and breakfast. Not long after I returned our fighting began to start again. We did spend a few nice hours together watching a movie she wanted to watch called Wonder Boys. It was obvious though, that the happiness that had been ours again the night before was gone once more. I had mentioned a show last month that was happening Saturday, and MB had arranged for the night off, and we had planned to go, but as the weather wore on yesterday, MB decided that it wasn't worth it for her. I was disappointed, but I relented because it was very nasty outside. Shortly after this decsion, we fought again. It was the end.
This morning she told me she couldn't trust me. She feels like I take too much, and give little in return. She said she didn't think we should see each other anymore. All this after last week telling me she had thoughts of marriage and children. I was a little shocked. For someone who claimed to love me so much, the descion seemed clear cut and unwaivering. If she truly believes what she said to me, then the causes of of arguing truly becomes evident. Without trust, relationships wither. Maybe I deserved to loose her trust. Maybe I did do something that horribly awful that she couldn't trust the man she claimed to love anymore. All I know, is that it is very hard for me to trust anyone, especially if I base it on their actions, because everyone has flaws. I do trust those that I love though, because it hurts me worse not to.
// posted by Justin @ 1:03 PM 
