Friday, January 14, 2005
MB at a Distance
Remembering My Teen Angst
I have found something very special and unexpected here in Chicago. She is different than anyone I have dated before. She gives much in that which she chooses to give. I have grown to love her more and more each day, and yet I find myself pushing away, much as I see her doing the same.
There were a few days after I decided that I would leave before summer that we contimplated our future. I thought she might actually consider going with me. It was exciting and scary. I can see now that she hasn't considered that in a very long time. She seems to have resigned, and given in. To what exactly, I am not sure. I cannot blame her, but I want to tell her that it hurts somewhat. I don't. It is her choice. Maybe she has realized that she doesn't like me as much as she first thought. Feelings fade, but these may have just been repressed.
It is obvious that I am not completely comfortable in the new dynamic of our relationship, but I do not know what to do. I want to have the fun and laughter we shared before the end was decided, as it seems to be now. I don't want us to worry about tommorrow, cause we are here together today. I want to read this in a year and not feel sad that I really fucked this up.
I have found something very special and unexpected here in Chicago. She is different than anyone I have dated before. She gives much in that which she chooses to give. I have grown to love her more and more each day, and yet I find myself pushing away, much as I see her doing the same.
There were a few days after I decided that I would leave before summer that we contimplated our future. I thought she might actually consider going with me. It was exciting and scary. I can see now that she hasn't considered that in a very long time. She seems to have resigned, and given in. To what exactly, I am not sure. I cannot blame her, but I want to tell her that it hurts somewhat. I don't. It is her choice. Maybe she has realized that she doesn't like me as much as she first thought. Feelings fade, but these may have just been repressed.
It is obvious that I am not completely comfortable in the new dynamic of our relationship, but I do not know what to do. I want to have the fun and laughter we shared before the end was decided, as it seems to be now. I don't want us to worry about tommorrow, cause we are here together today. I want to read this in a year and not feel sad that I really fucked this up.
// posted by Justin @ 8:35 AM 
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2. Santa Monica- Everclear
3. Where It's At- Beck
4. Toll Booth Willie- Adam Sandler
5. Slow and Low- Beastie Boys
6. Self Esteem- The Offspring
7. Cold Bevrages- G.Love and Special Sauce
8. Know Your Enemy- Rage Against the Machine
9. Tommorrow- Silverchair
10. Oh Me- Nirvana
11. The Goat- Adam Sandler
12. Selling the Drama- LIVE
13. Virtual Insanity- Jamiroquai
14. Funkdafied- Da Brat
15. Wrong Way- Sublime
16. The Distance- Cake
17. Big Bang Baby- Stone Temple Piolts
18. Brick- Ben Folds Five
19. Firestarter- The Prodigy
20. Brass Monkey- Beastie Boys
21. Killing Me Softly...- Fugees
22. Trippin' On a Hole In a Paper Heart- STP
23. Champagne Supernova- Oasis
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