Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Catching Up
Led Zep Covers...why not?
I have just recieved a complaint that I have not been nearly as intresting lately here as I used to be. Actually they used the word 'revealing' instead of 'intresting', but either way I see their point.
I have decided that I will most likely move out of Chicago once my lease is up in May(or is it April?). I feel like the reasons that brought me here are no longer as enjoyable to me as they used to be. I don't know why I use the plural of reason, because in all actuality it was only the improv that really brought me to this city. Now that I seem to have lost some of my passion for it, it no longer makes sense to put up with the filth and grime that is Chicago. I don't want to piss any residents of the windy city off, so let me clarify by saying that this is the best big city in the nation, if you like big cities. It is just that I have found out that I don not like them very much at all. I still pine for the beauty of nature and the mountains daily.
Upon mentioning this to MB, the dynamic of our relationship has changed. It seems all we can do is fight or love each other. It is very bi-polar of us. I know its scary to continue opening up to someone who is inevitably leaving, so I don't press it. For all the good times and fun we have together she still does not seem comfortable sitting in silence with me. I do enjoy most of our conversations, but when I am truly comfortable with someone it doesn't bother me at all to sit in silence with them, if i have nothing new or important to discuss. I don't know if this is something that MB can't do with anyone, or if she still is that uncomfortable sitting quitely with me. It does bother me though, so last night when she was rambling on and on while laying next to me I began to interject with totally random statements like, "I forgot how much I like peaches," and "That Obama is really handsome for a senator". Yeah, I know, I am a jackass, especially when I am tired.
Drew continues to say that he is indeed going to make the move back to the high country with me. Our idea right now is to be there in time for Summer Theatre at LMC. After summer we want to begin making handcrafted wooden furniture. I am sure this seems like quite a stretch to anyone who only knows me as a boring data entry specialist and impovistional actor, but making things with my hands has always been very satisfying for me. Drew and I also spent a small amount of time together in the scene shop back in our days at LMC, so we know we also work well together. In theory this could also allow us to work for ourselves within the next two years, and I have a feeling I would love myself as a boss.
I have just recieved a complaint that I have not been nearly as intresting lately here as I used to be. Actually they used the word 'revealing' instead of 'intresting', but either way I see their point.
I have decided that I will most likely move out of Chicago once my lease is up in May(or is it April?). I feel like the reasons that brought me here are no longer as enjoyable to me as they used to be. I don't know why I use the plural of reason, because in all actuality it was only the improv that really brought me to this city. Now that I seem to have lost some of my passion for it, it no longer makes sense to put up with the filth and grime that is Chicago. I don't want to piss any residents of the windy city off, so let me clarify by saying that this is the best big city in the nation, if you like big cities. It is just that I have found out that I don not like them very much at all. I still pine for the beauty of nature and the mountains daily.
Upon mentioning this to MB, the dynamic of our relationship has changed. It seems all we can do is fight or love each other. It is very bi-polar of us. I know its scary to continue opening up to someone who is inevitably leaving, so I don't press it. For all the good times and fun we have together she still does not seem comfortable sitting in silence with me. I do enjoy most of our conversations, but when I am truly comfortable with someone it doesn't bother me at all to sit in silence with them, if i have nothing new or important to discuss. I don't know if this is something that MB can't do with anyone, or if she still is that uncomfortable sitting quitely with me. It does bother me though, so last night when she was rambling on and on while laying next to me I began to interject with totally random statements like, "I forgot how much I like peaches," and "That Obama is really handsome for a senator". Yeah, I know, I am a jackass, especially when I am tired.
Drew continues to say that he is indeed going to make the move back to the high country with me. Our idea right now is to be there in time for Summer Theatre at LMC. After summer we want to begin making handcrafted wooden furniture. I am sure this seems like quite a stretch to anyone who only knows me as a boring data entry specialist and impovistional actor, but making things with my hands has always been very satisfying for me. Drew and I also spent a small amount of time together in the scene shop back in our days at LMC, so we know we also work well together. In theory this could also allow us to work for ourselves within the next two years, and I have a feeling I would love myself as a boss.
// posted by Justin @ 8:52 AM 
Comments:
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People talk for a reason. Maybe she's going through something and can't express it, so she talks and talks and talks. Maybe she needs something from you you're not giving her. Or maybe she's a nitwit who loves the sound of her own voice. If that's the case, have sex with her and try to ignore the prattle. And don't get into relationships with idiots in the future. But making fun is ass holish of you, especially if they don't get it. Because whether you're making fun of someone who is awkwardly trying to reach out or you're making fun of someone who is stupid you are being cruel. And not very open and vulnerable-something you claim you want. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And that's a wrap.
# posted by 
: 10:54 PM
: 10:54 PM
Yes, I do agree with you. My reflection upon it here was not wistful, but more in regret. Thanks for the suggestions.
Although I can say that I would find it annoying if someone was interjecting random "peach-esque" comments into a conversation I was trying to have, I do have to comment on that last comment.
"Because whether you're making fun of someone who is awkwardly trying to reach out or you're making fun of someone who is stupid you are being cruel"
I recal Justin saying he found his behavior to be deliberatly reactionary to her prattle.
" Yeah, I know, I am a jackass, especially when I am tired."
We all are triggered by things lovers do. Part of the compelling features of being with someone is the fact you still want to be with them once you know that side. I think this post was honest and the last comment had the tone of a rejected teenager not able to deal with his or her own feelings of vulnerable stupidity. The fact of the matter is we are all losers in love/ for love. We all do things that annoy the living crap out of people we love and that we want to love us. We make fools out of ourselves, we get annoyed by the stupidity (for lack of a better word) of the other person and we decide if their quirks are worth it for us to keep risking eventual heart ache. If it wasn't that way it would be fake, romanticised and juvinile.
The one comment I would delicatly pose to this post directly would be....
Does finding her "prattle" annoying make it easier to find reasons to leave her behind?
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"Because whether you're making fun of someone who is awkwardly trying to reach out or you're making fun of someone who is stupid you are being cruel"
I recal Justin saying he found his behavior to be deliberatly reactionary to her prattle.
" Yeah, I know, I am a jackass, especially when I am tired."
We all are triggered by things lovers do. Part of the compelling features of being with someone is the fact you still want to be with them once you know that side. I think this post was honest and the last comment had the tone of a rejected teenager not able to deal with his or her own feelings of vulnerable stupidity. The fact of the matter is we are all losers in love/ for love. We all do things that annoy the living crap out of people we love and that we want to love us. We make fools out of ourselves, we get annoyed by the stupidity (for lack of a better word) of the other person and we decide if their quirks are worth it for us to keep risking eventual heart ache. If it wasn't that way it would be fake, romanticised and juvinile.
The one comment I would delicatly pose to this post directly would be....
Does finding her "prattle" annoying make it easier to find reasons to leave her behind?
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