Road to Somewhere

As the death toll continues to rise in Thailand and the rest of the surrounding continent, I can't help but realize how powerless humans are against the forces of our mother, earth.

She is our creator; she will be our destroyer.
She is absolute in her anger.
She is a consumate lover.
She is beautiful and unpredictable.
She teaches me to cry.
She encourages me to dance.

“One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.”
-- William Shakespeare

I have decided just to create a new blog to post all of my pictures from the party back in October. Feel free to check it out.
I talked to Drew during my day alone at work yesterday. He was cutting projects out of some of his old woodworking magazines. It is kinda wierd that he and I are both going to NC for NYE and we won't see each other. I am sure if we do make this move together though to NC at the end of spring, we will be seeing more than enough of each other by this time next year. That's okay though, cause Drew is one of those friends that even once they start to really annoy you, you know it is most likely completely unintentional...mostly.
I finally got ahold of my friend Andrew back in Tennessee(Yes, my two closest friends are named Drew and Andrew, and yes, they are different people). He was very short before he told me he would call me right back, which he never did. I know people are busy, but damn. We're supposed to be going to Asheville for NYE and we still haven't ironed out all the details. Yeah, okay I am a little...detail oriented.

Playlist 12/27/04

I don't know if anyonewho reads this has Rhapsody. Here is a killer playlist I am enjoying today, just in case. Shuffle up and play!

JCHTP2, 10/9/04

So about a week and a half ago, I finally got ahold of Drew's pictures from the party in October. You are sure to see many more over the next few days. This one was taken right after the men beat the women in a very intense game of flip cup. You can see that I atually drank my beers, as opposed to Mason who seems to be wearing most of his on his sweatshirt. Don't be fooled by our expressions, that was the most serious it got all night. We just had to look tough for the victory picture.

On a different note, I have to say that this was the most depressing Christmas of my 25 years. Gabe was home at the apartment, because his family did Christmas the night before at their home in the burbs. He got the modem hookup for his PS2, so we spent the first half of the day playing football with people far, far away. Later a few of Gabe's boys came over and I drank my Christmas blues away. I am sure that I have never been drunk on Christmas before. I always wondered what Christmas without family and loved ones would be like. It looks like the answer is drunk.

I know... I have two mentions of binge drinking in this post, but not to worry those are the only two from this year that I can remember. Not to say that there wasn't a third one that I have forgotten, but I just wanted to assure you its not something I do often. Thank goodness.

The following is SUPPOSEDLY an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet...

"Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?"

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.   
One student, however, wrote the following...

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving."

"As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell."

"With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added."

"This gives two possibilities:
     1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
     2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over."

"So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over."

"The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why last night, Teresa kept shouting 'oh, my God!'"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

So even if this was all made up, its still made me laugh.

It has been too long since I last posted. I was ill most of the week, and maybe even a bit depressed, so I did little but lay in bed. My bed needs some alone time.
I am here in Chicago on Christmas eve. My aunt and grandparents in Indiana got so much snow that the roads are closed, and I cannot go and visit for Christmas. It will be my very first Christmas alone, oh well.
I quit my IO team, Crash Davis, last weekend. It wasn't working out for whatever reason. I dreaded the rehearsals, and sometimes the shows. I feel bad for leaving the team, but I made this descion for me, and I have to be okay with that.
Drew has been talking to me more and more about moving back to NC. It makes me happy. The one thing that brought me to this city has lost its appeal to me, and I see little reason to continue on in this place, since I know of a place that I would much rather live. Charlie Don't Surf, my independent team, does have a four week run at the Second City skybox Jan.14- Feb.4. I hope I can just have fun with CDS at these shows. It would be a very nice way to bow out.
Not going to IN for Christmas has strengthened my resolve to go to Asheville for new year's eve. Here's the dealio on that: http://www.larrykeel.com/whatsnew.html. I would make it into a nice little link, but here on the mac my editing options are nonexistent. I am planning on picking up Andrew Fisher in Johnson City, and then going on to Asheville. At least not going to IN for x-mas has saved me gas money.
Happy Holidays to all. Hug your family.

Shining Rock, NC 12/14/04 (click to enlarge)

I had a very good conversation last night with my most trusted friend, Drew Wallace. It seems he may be as sick of Cincinatti as I am of Chicago. I believe we are very luck to know where home is. Maybe we just needed to leave for a little while to see why our home means so very much to the both of us. I am sure there are some people who never truly feel at home anywhere as much as I do when I am in the high country of NC.
Still, I have my life to live in Chicago for a few months more. I will not waste them by looking too far into the future. I am sure there are still a few great experiences I can squeeze outta the windy city before I return to the mountians.
Deciding to move on from here will also mean that my current relationship with Mary Beth may have to come to an end. I really don't want it to, but I cannot ask her to come with. She has a life here and a family close by. She has lived here almost her entire life. I would feel very uncomfortable asking someone to make such a drastic change for me when we have been together such a short time. There is time to discuss this with Mary Beth before May, but I can't help but think of the outcome now.

See what happens! Damnit! I knew I shoulda fixed the defrost. 

Winter Arrives Late. Sugar Mountain, NC

I recieved a link in my email today to a whole bunch of webcams in the high country of NC. I scrolled through each one, making sure I knew exactly where they were all located. This is a live pic from this morning. I always thought it looked cool to see the resorts blowing snow on a clear, sunny day. Blue skys above a mountain that seems to be spewing mist. At least it looks pretty from a distance. If you have ever been skiing or boarding while the blowers are on, you know it can be hellish.
Anyhow, I could talk about my weekend, or my Grandmother and her constantly deteriorating condition, but I don't want to dwell in this short place of saddness. Suffice it to say, that in death and pain we may find what is really worth bitching about in our day to day lives...and its not much.

Two Roads...

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

excerpt from: The Road Not Taken by: Robert Frost

Jane Bald, Appalachian Trail, NC/TN state line

I remember my parents taking me here as a small child. We picked blueberries that we took home and used to make dad's blueberry waffles.
It was the summer of my sophomore year in college that my friend Andrew I decided that we were going to hike a section of the AT. We planned, packed, and set out onto the trail. This section was right in the middle of our six day excursion. As I hauled my pack up the ridge, to the bald where I sat many times as a child, something changed. No one else had brought me here this time. It was only me and my efforts that now afforded me such a beautiful view. Andrew and I sat quietly for as long as we could. We smoked. We gorged ourselves on a hidden blueberry bush that had been looked over by earlier pickers.
Although the hike was very hard physically, I believe it was truly the happiest I have ever been. There were no lists, no phones ringing, no car horns, no bills, and no confusion. There were only a few things to be done each day. Walk, look, listen. The simplicity was blissful.
Andrew still lives in Johnson City. He plays his guitar and sings sometimes at the Downhome, a historic music room downtown. He wrote a song about our trip called Big Hump Mountain. One lyric recalls his initial shock at the first day's difficulty. My favorite line, "Are we ready for this? Its too late we're heaven bound". Indeed we were.

We are having a mental breakdown. We will soon return to your regularly scheduled programming already in progress(see posts 12/01 and 12/05).

"Its just that one day soon, you're going to come to a crossroads, and when you do, you're going to either decide to do this for yourself or your fear is going to become too much for you and you're going to quit," said Ryan as I drove him home from rehearsal.

Not much going on here today. I have just been sitting around my apartment for most of the day. Tonight I am going to the toys for tots party in wrigleyville. It should be fun, and with my toy I get free boozin', so what more could I want? Well, since you asked...
A car is waiting outside of my apartment. Standing holding the rear door open of this blacked out 2004 Cadillac is a well dressed man who promptly takes my very few bags and places them in the tunk as I climb into the leather clad backseat, slumping down a bit to feel the soft leather on the back of my neck. As the driver climbs in and closes his door, he reaches over he back seat and hands me my passport. "No tickets ah needhed," he explains, "its a privoot jet".
I awaken as the tires hit the runway. Sunlight pours through the tiny window. As my eyes adjust I see a grand view of giant rugged mountains, violently jutting from the earth up through the clouds, where minutes ago I slept peacefully. The snow begins about one-third of the way up the mountain. A huge s.u.v. pulls up on the runway. Quickly the slick foriegn monster hums past the green valley and up towards the clouds. A large ram watches us pass from a rocky crevice. The mountain grass and flowers began to slowly give way to snow as we approach a running helicopter.
As I drop from the helicopter at the very peak of the mountain, my snowboard crunches through the thin frozen crust and down through the endless powder. For a moment I can see nothing but white, and hear nothing but the loud hum of the blades. As the chopper lifts away, I am engulfed in the huge blue sky, and the sound of the wind against the hood of my jacket. I sit for a moment. As close to heaven as I can imagine I'll ever be. I place my headphones under my hood and press play. Robert Walker's 20th Congress . I sail down towards the cloud line. At times gliding on top of the soft powder, flying as if I might take off and glide into the great blue sky. At other times leaning into the mounatin sending a large spray of powder up in front of my board, temporarily masking me from even the sun.

Warning: This post may or may not contain words like: sex, hot, naked skin, lubrication, soapy flesh, etc... So, if these are things you wish not to visualize, come back some other day.
I take really really long showers.
Its almost always the first thing I do in the mornings. Drag my ass out of bed, inject it with the needed stimulants, other drugs, and/or food products and then go stand under the steaming hot water until my soul returns to my lifeless body.
Weekdays tend to feel a bit rushed. Don't get me wrong, cause I am still in there for at least twenty minutes, but I know that I can't relax and just absorb the warmth. On weekends though, all thoughts of time and responsibilities are allowed to be washed away. I often stand under the hot water long after I am done washing and my finger tips have shriveled up like a penis in a cold swimming pool.
This isn't a new thing to me. Growing up I was notorious for running the water heater out of hot water, so that my mom had to take a cold shower. Nothing intentional, but I just couldn't get out till I absolutely had to. I remember when I first got to college and realized the dorm had a boiler, so I could stay in the shower as long as I wanted and never run out of hot water!
So, as you may imagine, the shower is a very intimate place for me that I sometimes find even more comforting and relaxing than my bed. In my virginal days, I never saw the shower as a place for sexual encounters or even self pleasure(I never used conditioner for anything, and only recently have the benefits of conditioner over shampoo for self pleasure been explained to me). Even in puberty my showers were more like a giant, extended, warm hug that surrounded my soapy flesh in comfort and security.
It was Heather Dean who first introduced herself to my steamy realm. It was a spring afternoon late in my senior year of high school, and we were at my house hours before we expected my dad or his girlfriend, Shane, to get home. At first, sharing the stream of hot water with another naked body seemed a bit odd, but as my body slid easily over her slick naked flesh, I realized the shower had been transformed in my mind. Our young, inexperienced bodies merged into a slick machine. As the hot water began to fade, we spilled out onto the bathroom floor. Drying each other and marinating a bit in the soothing post sex haze and steam that filled my bathroom.
I guess we may have lingered a bit too long in that moment, because soon we heard Shane at the bottom of the stairs asking if anyone was home. I am sure she saw us come out of the bathroom together, still damp and dripping a bit in the clothes that only seconds before had served as a temporary floor pillow.
Now, sometimes I stand under the stream, elbows into my chest, hands extended in front of me as if waiting for something to be placed in my cupped palms, face up to the ceiling. The hot water pelts off my chest, neck, and forearms. My mind clears. No one can call me here. No one can assail me here. My sanctuary.

oh what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie
recalling of the while we used to drive and drive here and there
going nowhere but for us, nowhere but for the two of us
and we knew it was time to take a chance here
and time to compromise our lives for awhile
and it was time for all the wrong reasons
but time is often on my side and I give it to you tonight
and we sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over again

-Jason Mraz

// posted by Justin @ 11:46 AM 0 comments